Disclaimer: This is a "real" post. Please don't be offended or hurt or worried. But, as always, if you want to send coffee and chocolate, message me.
I don't deal well with change.
I am quite spontaneous. I don't follow strict routines. I don't deal well with change.
I'm in a place now where I am happy. 93% of the time I am happy. The other 7% is easily forgotten once it's in the past.
I have my niche. I have my peeps. I have my hangouts. I don't deal well with change.
I'm working through other demons, making peace with things I can't work out, I'm feeling positive.
I am scared that changing things will break the fragile peace I have now.
I have been hiding from it. Avoiding it. Trying to find a way to stop it happening.
And I think that's normal. Unhealthy but normal.
But.
But.
But.
I need to do this. It's about more than me. That's the
It's hard and I am very sure there will be lots of blog fodder as we go further down the track with this. At the moment it's still a bit airy-fairy and hand-wavey, which is why the change isn't defined but it will be eventually... Bear (bare?) with me. And thank you for your supportive comments yesterday. I needed to know that being "real" would be ok.
I so get what you are saying. I think that's what got me the most when Bianca was diagnosed with leukemia. How suddenly everything changed and I lost complete control. It left me feeling incredibly frustrated.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I do change very well either. And I don't like "unknowns".
I totally understand and appreciate reading your 'real' posts. I also know how hard it is to write less than 'happy' posts too. Of course my blog is like a 'life-line' to my parents - my Mum especially checks in every day to see if there's a new post about her grand-daughters on the other side of the world. Like you my blog has evolved since its inception. I too like to write out my feelings more - but don't wish to write anything too 'worrying'. It's not an easy balance. I too struggle with finding a way to feel free to creatively express myself at times - I know that I often censor my writing on the blog so as not to upset or overly worry my family.
ReplyDeleteI don't deal well with change either. **hugs** I think you should write about it - I know writing about stuff helps me work it out in my head.
ReplyDelete