Rules for Monkey

Having spent four years living next door to a barely supervised teenaged boy - here is my list on how to be a better teenage boy than the nearest role model.

1. Learn how to swear in the correct context, I expect you will swear so you may as well use it in the correct context. Actually, look it up... see what it means. In a real dictionary not UrbanDictionary!
2. When jumping off the garage roof whilst riding on a skateboard, please bear in mind the physics, geometry etc of the situation AND remember that landing on the ground and the trampoline require two different calculations.
3. If you need to urinate outside, please use the back garden and don't pee against the wall of the house.
4. If you are going to hang out with people doing burnouts or stupid things, do it away from your house. Your neighbours will get annoyed and call the cops. We did. We will and we will tell them to.
5. Wear a helmet - it may not be cool but neither is brain damage.
6. If you get a job. stick it out until you have an alternative lined up, we will not bail you out or look favourably on you not having a life plan - whatever it is!
7. The girls with the short skirts and the low cut tops are not there for you, they are there so that they can look cool, act out and ultimately annoy their parents.  Look after them. Do not have sex with them! - all your mates may have - but they're lying when they said it was awesome.
8. Always have a sober driver, preferably you, or phone us.
9. Drink sensibly, excess/binge is not sexy, attractive, cool, hip or an escape.
10. Consider your neighbours when cranking music, playing the drums, keyboard or chasing each other with water pistols...
11. Think about how your virtual life will impact on your real life. Social networking is wonderful but it can cost you your job.
12. Think twice about tattoos, piercings or any permanent modifications, I was 25 before I got mine.
13. You can have a car, when you can pay for it and insurance.
14. You are judged by your friends. If they are dodgy - you are deemed similar.
15. Live everyday, don't wait until tomorrow.
16. You do not automatically deserve a hand out. From us or the government. Use it, if necessary, to get your life on track and then work hard so that others can get the same assistance.
17. Doing drugs is not a great idea. Doing them in the garage and setting fire to it, is just bloody stupid! You know better.
18. Make mistakes. Learn from them. Make more. Learn from those.
19. Respect others. You never know when they may have to look after you, help you or be a character witness in a court case.
20. If you get into trouble, we will be here for you. We love you, that's why.