Well today is my mom's birthday... And it's one of those days. The kind of day where you can't be entirely sure why you're not happy but you just feel meh.
It has a lot to do with missing her, knowing that I can't go out to coffee with her, buy her a cake or even take her out for dinner. It's knowing that she misses me and probably would like me there too (I hope so). It's not knowing whether she is being made to feel special enough or whether she is going to take time out of her day to spoil herself the way I would like her to be spoilt.
Again this is a price I pay for living here and not in SA. It's another reason I feel guilty. She is the first to tell me not to feel guilty/bad as she firmly supports my moving here and would like to join us one day. But it is still really hard to not be there for the ones you love.
At least I know now that writing about it here will let me purge the emotion and not bottle it up and slide backwards into the twilight zone.
I love you, Mom and hope you have another *ahem* years ahead filled with love, laughter and at least one trip to our side of the world!
PS: Had a less than mediocre coffee today - which did not help cheer me up!
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Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I try to reply to as many as I can either here or by email. <3 LJx